You can't.

Thursday at 18:28 | Attic Monster |  My thoughts
You can't.
A phrase we all probably heard in some point of time in their life. It hurts. It burns. It makes us sad.
You can't can be a phrase said to you from your parents when they are telling you you may not go out. You can't can also be a phrase you hear from your friends when you want to achieve something but the tell you, you are not capable to do so.
The time you hear it it hurts. But in the end it always turns out like a good thing it happend.

We all were mad when our parents told us we cannot go out. We were mad, yelling, screaming. Well...that might not be a very positive thing. But in the end it was for some reason. But this isn't why I'm writting this article.

My main idea of this text is to talk about the 'You can't' pharse telling you you are not able to do what you want.
Thinking back. Whenever someone told me i can't I was pretty disappointed. Well. Who wouldn't be right? But now I know words like these made me someone better and way way stronger. I become better at stuff when someone tells me I have no chance of achieving what I want. Hell yes I do! Just watch me work.
What is happening right now is the one thing that I want to talk about.

So, kinda all my life I've been interested in the military situation, wars, weapons...Nothing crazy. I was just interested. That also could've been seen on how I used to play with other kids. I need to mention I always played more with guys than girls. And when I did play with girls it always ended up me being a 'soldier' and taking care of them (they were my horses). But yes, I was a soldier and I was proud to call myself that and proud to protect someone. Time flew by and I dreamed of being an animal doctor. Sadly my experience with equestrian world made me disgusted. And since getting to the animal doc university is literally batshit crazy I was kinda forced to pick other options of schools.
As expected I picked normal human medicine. But one beautiful day 2 years ago I saw this video and it was about combat medics. I was like 'holy shitballs, that's what I want to do'.
Since then I started a little research how to do this and I found out we have a military medicine university (FVZ).

This is how I pretty much picked my maybe future career. All exctited I told Mom, Dad and everyone I knew about my new discovery.
And as shit happens everyone told me it was stupid and meh and that I'm a woman and I can't be a soldier. That it's stupid. Well I'll tell you what is stupid. Telling someone this.

Fortunatly I am the kind on of person who works harder when thez get underestimated. Boom. Here I am. I got all my papers sent and also visited the recrutation center. Now all I am waiting for are doctor check-ups and I'm free to go try my luck with exams.

Anyways. My point of this whole crazyass text is, that y'all who ever hear something like you 'ain't enough', 'you can't' and other stuff, don't ignore it but don't cry about it and don't let it take your dream away. Because you make your own life not someone else. So pick yourself up and do what you want to do, what you are scared to do and what you were told you can't do beause you are too young or too small. There are people that believe in you. Trust me.

Yours sincerely
Attic Monster


I love her

14. september 2017 at 22:07 | Attic Monster
I love her.
Like you don't even understand.
I love her with all my heart and soul. I love every single little thing about her. I never believed in love at first sight until I met her. I never believed in soul mates until I met her.
Every time I see her I get the same amazing feeling. It's like my heart is racing faster than the speed of sound, like there's a trillion butterflies in my stomach.
I've never met anyone I have so much in common with. Who likes all the same things as I do, who agrees with me on so many things, who is as weird and crazy as I am. Even our Zodiac signs are the same. I could wait an entire lifetime and even another, and I could never find someone like her.
I see her post all these things on Facebook about wanting a guy who does this or will do that, and I think to myself, "I can do that. I can do that and so much more, if only you'll let me." My last girlfriend treated me so horribly. All I ever did was try to make her happy, and all she ever did was abuse me. Because of her, I was so scared to fall in love again. She made me feel worthless. Like I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve to be happy.
But then I met her. And everything changed.
I never felt like that with her. She wasn't constantly judging me. She never questioned me. She just accepted me for who I was. She didn't think I was weak or pathetic for having anxiety. When I started freaking out on that carnival ride, she just grabbed me and held on, and didn't let go. If I wasn't freaking out, that moment would have been pure magic. Nobody had ever done that for me before. Nobody ever treated me like that before, and my last girlfriend sure as hell didn't.
I never thought I'd find someone else. I thought I would never love again. And even if we don't end up together, I'm glad I got to meet her, because she showed me it's possible for me to love again.
And don't even get me started on her body. The sun, the moon, then stars and sky, all fail in comparison to her beauty, inside and out.
I don't care if she might have a have a little belly fat or a few more curves than she wants. To me, she is the personification of beauty. She is so amazing and perfect in every way possible.
Maybe she isn't exactly perfect to others, but to me, her imperfections are what make her perfect. I wouldn't want her any other way.
And that voice!
She sounds like Gods favorite angel singing from up above.
I know she's had a rough past. She's gotten caught up with guys who didn't treat her right. I've been there myself. I just want to take the pain away from her. I want to show her that there are still people out there who will treat her right. I wanna do everything with her. I wanna take her out and go on an adventure with her. I wanna share my food with her, fall asleep on the couch in our pajamas while watching our favorite movie, I wanna get in stupid little arguments like which character is better or other stupid things like that. I wanna stay up past midnight and have deep conversations with her under the stars. I wanna take her to the zoo or the aquarium and watch her watch the animals. I wanna do all the cute little things with her. I wanna fall in love with her.
But who am I?
I'm just some random guy. Nothing more than a friend. I don't deserve her.
She's an incredible person who will do incredible things one day. She doesn't need me dragging her down. I don't know this other guy. But she likes him. He makes her smile, he treats her right, he makes her happy. And all I want is for her to be happy. I care about her more than I care about myself. So as much as it kills me, as much as it hurts (and it really hurts. Oh God does it hurt), I'm gonna shut my mouth, fight back the tears, force myself to smile, and sit there and watch her be with him, because it makes her happy. It's the hardest and most painful thing I've ever had to do in my whole life.
And besides, if he makes her so happy, who am I to interfere?

Le Linge

18. july 2017 at 20:09 | Attic Monster

Le Linge

Since I am a big fan of war history and the military in general I decided to write a few articles about places I visited. I was on a vacation in noth France and as most of you probably know it was a war zone in certain periods of time.

I'll start with a place that became my first visit.

Le Linge is a memorial in the Vosges reminding World War 1. There is an indoor museum where we can find an exhibition leading us through the war. How it began, what weapons were used, uniform types, animals during WW1, medics, how trenches worked etc...
Then there is an outdoor part made from trenches. There are 3 types of trails you can follow. Blue, red and black. Colors depend on how hard and long the trail is. You can either walk around or hop in the trench and explore from inside.You may only visit the German part since the French is not cleared out and is a danger of explosives. But even without the French side open the walk through the trenches will take you alot of time. If you really want to visit every bunker you run into prepare about 2 hours of time.


I won't get much into details since I don't have 10 hours of time but I will try to make a long story short.
Le Linge is a hill. That means in 1914 it became a tactical spot for both sides. (Fun fact: When the trenches were built all villagers from the area were suppose to help build the trenches. There are photographs showing children digging new trenches.) This hill became a huge blood bath especially between July and October 1915 when about 10 000 soldiers died. 17 battalions had up to 80% of men fallen.
12th October 1915 the Germans used flame-throwers and gas for the first time in history. But even with help from these new weapons 16th October Germans attempted their last attack that was pushed back.

''VIVE LA FRANCE!'' - captain Joly when he was shot (killed in action; Le Linge)

Bodies of soldiers are still being found through years directly on the Le Linge battlefield and around the whole area (several military cemeteries are all over the place. French - white crosses, German - dark crosses).

Many of them who fought for their country maybe still weren't found but they are never forgotten.

I guess that's about it for this article. If you ever have a way to France I really recommend visiting this place. It's surely worth it.


Reminding me

18. june 2017 at 20:41 | Attic Monster |  Songs
Hope you enjoy!

Paris - Second Day

12. june 2017 at 21:31 | Attic Monster |  Traveling


Second Day

What can be more lovely than waking up with your best friend in the middle of Paris, knowing you will see something even more magical than you did.

I think very little things can beat it.

Today we are heading to Sacre-Coeur! How exciting isn't it. Also like a little bonus I did a kissing photo! Well..You know..People go to Paris for their honeymoons and stuff. I NEEDED a kissing photo. (Also because of him lol).

Anyways. Our way to Sacre-Coeur went okay. We took the subway and the way to that place was absolutly magical.
The view from the top was astonishing. We had to wait a while to get in but it was totally worth it. Inside I llighted a little candle and prayed a bit. Outside of the cathedral were two guys that were singing and it was so dope.

Then we made our way to the Pere-Lachaise cemetary. It was a huge, and when I say huge I mean HUGE, place. So quiet and to so mystical. We found for example my big idol Edith Piaf.

After that we had a lovely lunch and a sip of super tasty wine. (It should be called food porn because it definitely was!) Then we tried to find one place with one picture but they sadly repainted it. Wandering the lonely streets we bumped into this:

After that we found a typical french bookstore and OH MY GOD! Duuude if you are a bookworm you need to visit places like these. It's just have to try yourself.

After that our steps lead us to Place de la Bastille but sadly it was under reconstruction so we didn't see anything.

Our last stop for this day was Louvre. I really wanted a Pandora charm with the Eiffel tower so I emptied my wallet and got it. Pure happiness.

Walking to our apartment..this is how our second day ends...

Favorite part of loving you

7. june 2017 at 21:49 | Attic Monster |  Songs

Got another song for you guys!
Hope you enjoy it as much as I do <3

Do I look good enough?

4. june 2017 at 17:27 | Attic Monster |  My thoughts
Do I look good enough? Or am I even enough?

So even though this has nothing to do with anything on this blog so far.
I was just thinking today why are so many people jealous and don't have self-confidence.

Now. Listen. If you are a person that thinks they aren't enough for whatever reason.
You are.
You are worth so much. And you are beautiful.
There will always be that one special person waiting for you. You will always be perfection for them.
Your smile, laugh, voice, moves..You might feel the are ugly, clumsy, crooked..But for someone out there you are so fucking beautiful.

There is this guy i really like, you know. He has no self-confidence. He is the most handsome dude I ever met. I could just leave my eyes on him forever. But he is always telling me he is ugly.
If only he could see himself through my eyes. He would understand why my heart melts when I see him smile, hear him sing or laugh. He's just perfect to me.

Self-confidence is very important. And honestly? It is really attractive.
So look up and don't let your crown fall off.

Were you the right person?

29. may 2017 at 16:45 | Attic Monster |  Quotes
I asked him: "Were you the right person
at a wrong time? Or the
wrong person at the right time?"

He says: "We only met so that
we could change each other;
We weren't supposed to last."

Paris - Arrival and the first day

27. may 2017 at 23:40 | Attic Monster |  Traveling


Arrival and the first day
Dear reader,
I am very pleased to welcome you to the second part of my trip to Paris.

We landed.
In Paris. Chales de Gaulle airport.
Our first thought's were like: 'Oh sh*t!' and 'We made it!'
So when we got off the plane we headed searching for the train that was suppose to take us to Paris. When we found out our train goes in about 45 minutes we were a bit bummed. But we went to buy the tickets and we were damn happy that the train didn't go in a few minutes! Buying tickets was hell. We probably even bought the bad ones. But that doesn't matter anymore. After buying all what we needed we just sat for a while near the station. We werevery surprised that there are soldiers everywhere. And when I say everywhere I mean everywhere.

We decided to go to the train station a bit earlier than the train was suppose to arrive. Because you know. Nervosity. They have these special entrences to the stations. You really have to have a ticket to get in. Anyways. Our train arrived and we hopped on. It was very empty.
And bam. The train was on it's way to Paris.

My friend was a bit sleepy so she crashed. I was listening to music and watching the world run behind the window. I saw many people, buildings, cars...It was something strangely magical to watch. I was thinking about that one person that I was suppose to meet but I won't.

The closer we were to Paris the more people were on the train. We started to have a bit of a problem with out suitcases ' others. Anyways. We got off the train on ''Chatelet - Les Halles'' I think. Then we tried to find the subway and we succeeded. Horrified how many lines they've got we got on the train and were heading to the station ''Bir Hakeim''. During the route we saw the Eiffel tower for the first time! That happiness! Anyways. We got off on ''Bir Hakeim'' and I felt like in a dream. Just the thoughts about 'him' were back. Thanks God I was too excited to get sad. We marched to the tower so quick. We were literally like: ''OH MY GOD!'' Like normal teenagers and tourists we took a milion photos eve though we still had 4 days and we stayed right next to it.

After finding our apartment and getting all our stuff unpacked we rested for a bit. In fact it was about 8 AM. For this day we had so much planned!

At 9 PM or so we decided to go out. We went to the Musée de l'Armée. I, as a military freak, was so excited. I love military history and like a cherry French have the French foreign legion (If you want to know more click here: French foreign legion).

Our way to the museum was full of laughs, talking and taking photos. Paris was just so magical for us. We felt like in Wonderland. When we got to the museum we got checked and heading to the cashier some soldier dudes started winking at us as shouting. We just laughed and waved at them. When we were getting the tickets it was something terrible. French don't speak English! At all! Such a pain in the butt. Anyways. Tickets were for free and we headed to explore the place.

It was a beauitiful palace. Sadly most of it was under reconstruction. We went through all the parts of the museum. What didn't undestand though was why the hell (?!) was everything only in French! Like why. I don't think most of the visitors understand French. Besides that the visit was great! I loved it.

After the museum we went to see the Arc de Triomphe. We just checked it out from 'outside' and got back to our apartment because we had to go shopping. After that and dinner, we decided to do to the Arc again. It was aprox. 6 PM so it was already dark. This majestic building was all light up and looked stunning. We got up after climbing a bilion stairs. But the view. The view was so worth it.

I'm telling you. You might see many beautiful cities. But Paris during night from Arc de Triomphe is something you won't forget very fast. I was just standing there. Stunned. Watching all those lights, all that life, love, night...I was so sad. So so sad and so happy at once. He made me come here. He made me see all of this. But he wasn't here. I was seeing this alone without holding his hand. My friend came to me telling me all is okay. Life goes on. And she was right. It does.

After taking a few pictures and staying a while in the streets to catch some internet we went to our apartment.

The first day in Paris just ended for us. It was a magical day full of emotions.

It was unforgettable.

Do not fall in love

24. may 2017 at 19:19 | Attic Monster |  Quotes
Do not fall in love with people like me

Do not fall in love with people like me.
I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments,
and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can
never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth.

I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave,
you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.

Caitlyn Siehl

Where to go next