Unexpected turns in life

6. june 2018 at 16:27 | Attic Monster |  My thoughts
Sometimes stuff happens and you don't really know why. It's so great! Life's great! Everything is going by plan.
Well. BOOM. It's not anymore.

I graduated highschool. And finally have my whole life infront of me. Especially universities. A big part of the 'young adult life'. As I already posted once here I wanted to attend a military medicine university. And I was super excited about it!
Well sadly I started to feel sick. Nothing dramatic at first. I was very tired but I blamed it on graduation stress, work and no rest. Shortly after, I started to have white spots on my tonsils. Well cool. Tonsilitis. Weird was that my eyes were swollen and hell and I looked like a creepy cartoon charakter.

I was the doctors and they told me I might have mononucleosis. Not just plain ol' tonsilitis that's gone in 1 week.
That kinda changed my whole plans, because with mononucleosis you have to be on diet and relax regime. And that wasn't really coresponding with my plans that I made for my furture.

So I was basically discharged from the military, because I am not able to go through their exams, which are obviously physical too.

As much as sad I was, everything happens for a reason. And maybe the 'constalation of stars' will be better for me next year. Who knows. :)

And for those who's plans turned around unexpectedly, don't lower your head. Everything is just the way it's suppose to be even though it doesn't look like it at the moment.

-AM
 

Us

17. may 2018 at 20:50 | Attic Monster |  My poems
Don't be sad, my darling.
We will meet again.

-AM

Meeting

10. may 2018 at 16:32 | Attic Monster |  Quotes
When it's time for two souls to meet,
there is nothing on Earth that can prevent them from meeting,
no matter where each may be located.

When two hearts are meant for each other,
no distance is too far, no time is too long,
and no other love can break them apart.
 


Don't give up

1. may 2018 at 22:03 | Attic Monster |  My thoughts
Don't give up


There are times in life when you just want to give up. No matter where. At work, school, relationship, on yourself..
Sometimes it's hard to stick to you own beliefs that everything will be alright when the world, when life is tearing you down. Down to the ground.
But don't give up darling. You might not feel like fighting but it's worth the pain. It makes you a better person and it makes you find yourself. Because without the dark we couldn't see the stars.
We all are different and we cope with our giving up's in various ways. But one thing we have all in common. No matter if you're a girl or a boy or you don't identify yourself as either one of those, we all stand here to not give up.


Honeymoon Phase

24. april 2018 at 22:28 | Attic Monster |  My thoughts
Relationship

I picked this topic just because receantly some things occured in my life and thanks to that I'd like to focus on some little text about it.

With relationship there comes love, friendship, trust, faith and many other. But that's what we see only at the start. Only during the honeymoon phase when we are blinded by the love and perfection of the other. Everything is like a dream. You see only them. Their smile, how they laugh, how they tell jokes...and the rest of the world just disappears. It's a lovely phase in any kind of relationship. You feel like this can never and end they make you feel like no other ever could.

But what happens when it ends?

The honeymoon can be a long period of time or it can be very short. In my oppinion it lasts longer when you are really in love with that person. The more passion, love and happiness you have in the relationship the longer it lasts. That's just Speaking from my experience. But I think it ends no matter how much love you share.
And honestly, for me it is a hard thing to cope with. I am a very romantic person and I make some ideals in my head. They totally work at the start. But then my dream just falls apart because I 'come together' and realize he is not the 'prince Charming' i thought he was. I was utter sad and everything was just plain miserable. Including my relationship with my loved one.
Looking back, I have to admit it is not easy with me when I'm getting used to the not so perfect prince Charming. I don't realize it until later. I blame him but never think about what I do/not do or how i changed. But that's where I was suppose to start. At myself. I ain't saying it was just my bad. We are both just people and we make mistakes. And we do them even when we are alone so how many of them do we do when we are suppose to cooperate with another human being?

I suppose, the key to a happy relationship is being open to each other. Especially during this part of the 'love story'. If one does too much it doesn't work as much as is nobody did nothing. It is important to listen and to think about actions and words you say, about little things you do.
Remember - little things are the number one thing that does the relationship beautiful.

And every step both of you take to make things pretty is a successful step to a long lasting relationship maybe leading to finding a soulmate for life.
It is worth trying. Because you don't know what you have until you lose it.



Perfection

24. january 2018 at 18:30 | Attic Monster |  Quotes
''It is possible, isn't it?
It's possible, that you could meet somebody who's perfect for you even though you're commited to somebody else.''
''No.
If you're commited to somebody, you don't allow yourself to find perfection in someone else.''

Happiness

20. december 2017 at 16:15 | Attic Monster |  My thoughts
Happiness

'What is happiness for me?'
Well that's a question you might ask yourself sometimes.

Some people see money as happiness, or alcohol. Or shopping.
But for me happiness are little things.
Like goodnight kisses, hugs, food I didn't ask for but they brought it because they knew I had a long day.
It is reading books together in bed and not talking.
It's even a random smile from a stranger I just passed by in the bus.
Happiness is a sunset over the sea or a pizza with friends.
For me happiness are tiny things.
And those tiny things surround me every day.
I try to make the best of them and I seek love in every one of them.

Happiness is not something we recieve.
Happiness is something we create ourselves.

I loved you

1. december 2017 at 17:20 | Attic Monster |  Quotes
I loved you
When I told you I loved you I don't think you understood.
When I said I loved you I meant that I love you with ever fiber of my being,
with all my soul, mind and heart.
That I would do anything, be anyone you need,
because you are my everything.
I place your happiness before my own.
You are the only one for me.
I will love you until my heart stops beating and I think even beyond.
So much meaning in three small words that I don't think you quite understand.



You can't.

16. november 2017 at 18:28 | Attic Monster |  My thoughts
You can't.
A phrase we all probably heard in some point of time in their life. It hurts. It burns. It makes us sad.
You can't can be a phrase said to you from your parents when they are telling you you may not go out. You can't can also be a phrase you hear from your friends when you want to achieve something but the tell you, you are not capable to do so.
The time you hear it it hurts. But in the end it always turns out like a good thing it happend.

We all were mad when our parents told us we cannot go out. We were mad, yelling, screaming. Well...that might not be a very positive thing. But in the end it was for some reason. But this isn't why I'm writting this article.

My main idea of this text is to talk about the 'You can't' pharse telling you you are not able to do what you want.
Thinking back. Whenever someone told me i can't I was pretty disappointed. Well. Who wouldn't be right? But now I know words like these made me someone better and way way stronger. I become better at stuff when someone tells me I have no chance of achieving what I want. Hell yes I do! Just watch me work.
What is happening right now is the one thing that I want to talk about.

STORY TIME!
So, kinda all my life I've been interested in the military situation, wars, weapons...Nothing crazy. I was just interested. That also could've been seen on how I used to play with other kids. I need to mention I always played more with guys than girls. And when I did play with girls it always ended up me being a 'soldier' and taking care of them (they were my horses). But yes, I was a soldier and I was proud to call myself that and proud to protect someone. Time flew by and I dreamed of being an animal doctor. Sadly my experience with equestrian world made me disgusted. And since getting to the animal doc university is literally batshit crazy I was kinda forced to pick other options of schools.
As expected I picked normal human medicine. But one beautiful day 2 years ago I saw this video and it was about combat medics. I was like 'holy shitballs, that's what I want to do'.
Since then I started a little research how to do this and I found out we have a military medicine university (FVZ).

This is how I pretty much picked my maybe future career. All exctited I told Mom, Dad and everyone I knew about my new discovery.
And as shit happens everyone told me it was stupid and meh and that I'm a woman and I can't be a soldier. That it's stupid. Well I'll tell you what is stupid. Telling someone this.

Fortunatly I am the kind on of person who works harder when thez get underestimated. Boom. Here I am. I got all my papers sent and also visited the recrutation center. Now all I am waiting for are doctor check-ups and I'm free to go try my luck with exams.

Anyways. My point of this whole crazyass text is, that y'all who ever hear something like you 'ain't enough', 'you can't' and other stuff, don't ignore it but don't cry about it and don't let it take your dream away. Because you make your own life not someone else. So pick yourself up and do what you want to do, what you are scared to do and what you were told you can't do beause you are too young or too small. There are people that believe in you. Trust me.

Yours sincerely
Attic Monster



I love her

14. september 2017 at 22:07 | Attic Monster
I love her.
Like you don't even understand.
I love her with all my heart and soul. I love every single little thing about her. I never believed in love at first sight until I met her. I never believed in soul mates until I met her.
Every time I see her I get the same amazing feeling. It's like my heart is racing faster than the speed of sound, like there's a trillion butterflies in my stomach.
I've never met anyone I have so much in common with. Who likes all the same things as I do, who agrees with me on so many things, who is as weird and crazy as I am. Even our Zodiac signs are the same. I could wait an entire lifetime and even another, and I could never find someone like her.
I see her post all these things on Facebook about wanting a guy who does this or will do that, and I think to myself, "I can do that. I can do that and so much more, if only you'll let me." My last girlfriend treated me so horribly. All I ever did was try to make her happy, and all she ever did was abuse me. Because of her, I was so scared to fall in love again. She made me feel worthless. Like I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve to be happy.
But then I met her. And everything changed.
I never felt like that with her. She wasn't constantly judging me. She never questioned me. She just accepted me for who I was. She didn't think I was weak or pathetic for having anxiety. When I started freaking out on that carnival ride, she just grabbed me and held on, and didn't let go. If I wasn't freaking out, that moment would have been pure magic. Nobody had ever done that for me before. Nobody ever treated me like that before, and my last girlfriend sure as hell didn't.
I never thought I'd find someone else. I thought I would never love again. And even if we don't end up together, I'm glad I got to meet her, because she showed me it's possible for me to love again.
And don't even get me started on her body. The sun, the moon, then stars and sky, all fail in comparison to her beauty, inside and out.
I don't care if she might have a have a little belly fat or a few more curves than she wants. To me, she is the personification of beauty. She is so amazing and perfect in every way possible.
Maybe she isn't exactly perfect to others, but to me, her imperfections are what make her perfect. I wouldn't want her any other way.
And that voice!
She sounds like Gods favorite angel singing from up above.
I know she's had a rough past. She's gotten caught up with guys who didn't treat her right. I've been there myself. I just want to take the pain away from her. I want to show her that there are still people out there who will treat her right. I wanna do everything with her. I wanna take her out and go on an adventure with her. I wanna share my food with her, fall asleep on the couch in our pajamas while watching our favorite movie, I wanna get in stupid little arguments like which character is better or other stupid things like that. I wanna stay up past midnight and have deep conversations with her under the stars. I wanna take her to the zoo or the aquarium and watch her watch the animals. I wanna do all the cute little things with her. I wanna fall in love with her.
But who am I?
I'm just some random guy. Nothing more than a friend. I don't deserve her.
She's an incredible person who will do incredible things one day. She doesn't need me dragging her down. I don't know this other guy. But she likes him. He makes her smile, he treats her right, he makes her happy. And all I want is for her to be happy. I care about her more than I care about myself. So as much as it kills me, as much as it hurts (and it really hurts. Oh God does it hurt), I'm gonna shut my mouth, fight back the tears, force myself to smile, and sit there and watch her be with him, because it makes her happy. It's the hardest and most painful thing I've ever had to do in my whole life.
And besides, if he makes her so happy, who am I to interfere?

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